


If Love Is As Natural As Rain, Why Should Flowers Not Fall?

by Hitsugi_Zirkus



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 14:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6473191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus/pseuds/Hitsugi_Zirkus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tragedy is a monster dying while yearning for a love it knows it will never receive.</p><p>In which love literally blooms inside Asato's heart, causing him to one day cough out flower petals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Love Is As Natural As Rain, Why Should Flowers Not Fall?

**Author's Note:**

> So I've only recently heard about the Hanahaki Disease, but I immediately took to it because it's such a beautifully tragic thing, and it has flowers which are, of course, my weakness. (I'm actually not sure of the origins of this fictional illness myself though...) As it is, I decided to write an Asakono for it right away because as soon as the line "these weren't the flowers Asato had wanted to give Konoe" came into my head, it was all over. Anyway, if you're not familiar with the Hanahaki Disease, don't fret, I try to explain it in the fic.
> 
> Also, this takes place in very ambiguous times in canon; I kinda twisted the order of events but hopefully it doesn't bother anyone. Just kinda approach the story as its own thing :'D I hope you enjoy reading!

Konoe was his heart.

Where Asato came from, his eyes were trained in darkness, his only home encircled in twisted branches and mist, full of quiet voices that raked over his skin hatefully and shoved him away with their animosity. Despite having absolute obedience and reverence for the creed of Kiran cats, following the chief blindly in desperate attempts to be accepted as one of the others, Asato didn't think he had any concept of what a heart was until he met Konoe.

Konoe had words to lift the fog, hands to reach out to him, and he took Asato away from Kira, even if unintentionally. But his unyielding aura, so strong and warm, his beauty and will - they had captivated Asato wholly. Somewhere deep inside him, something was planted inside his chest, though he hadn’t realized it. Konoe had started to save him that day, and now - now Asato was breathing in new air. Quite literally.

He sat on top of the roof to the inn he and Konoe were staying in, and in his solitude, he took the opportunity to examine the cats of Ransen down below. They bustled about and were lively in ways Kiran cats weren't. Various smells of perfumes, incense, food, and of the cats wafted up to him, his sensitive nose on overdrive as he was used to only the constant scent of earth and mist in Kira. Everything was colorful and so _alive_ , and his ears, nose, and tail twitched in trying to take it all in. At the end of the day though, there was one thing Asato thought a greater novelty than anything in Ransen.

Asato entered the room quietly from the window, keeping an eye on Konoe. Konoe was napping after the long day of traveling and information-gathering around the town, so Asato had left him be despite how energetic he still felt. Rather than looking out for any signs of danger, Asato watched Konoe in fixation from his small chest moving from breathing, his black-dyed ears flickering from the breeze the open window had brought in. Asato closed it, his hand then hovering over Konoe's body from the action as if he wanted to touch him.

Konoe slept like a kitten, all curled up and his expression completely innocent. The anxieties Asato remembered him showing had been given a much-needed rest as Konoe slipped into the comforts of sleep. For his sake, Asato hoped that it would stay a peaceful sleep, full of good dreams. What would Konoe's good dreams be like? Asato had forgotten what it was like to sleep without being submerged in blackness and terror. If he had any good dreams left in him though, he'd give them over to Konoe in a heartbeat. It couldn't possibly cover the gratitude and feelings Asato had towards Konoe, but everything he had was something he'd offer for this cat only.

An idea came to Asato's mind, making him smile. Yes. Everything he'd had he'd offer, even his secrets.

Unable to stay his hand, Asato lightly brushed back Konoe's bangs before heading back out the window.

* * *

Fresh air usually helped Asato clear his head. Lately, he’d been hanging up on the roof or taking walks searching for a hidden place. It was a beautiful and magical place, and the only thing that had been on his mind for the past few days was finding it so that he might be able to share it with Konoe. Although he wasn’t fully sure why, he at least knew it was because he was hoping that Konoe would love it, and that he’d get to see him smile, and maybe even lift his spirits a bit. Focusing so much on Konoe put him in a good mood.

Which is why at first, he didn’t fully understand when Konoe asked him if he was alright.

“What do you mean?”

Hearing his concern deflected back at him, Konoe frowned. They were downstairs eating dinner at the inn, and the others were going about with their usual bustle - Rai was brooding, Bardo was trying to liven up conversations between trips to the kitchen, and the devils were making a commotion (save for that blue-haired one who kept his gaze on and off Asato throughout the evening).

Konoe idly moved around the vegetables in his soup before looking to Asato again. “Is it the crowd? Do you feel uncomfortable? It’s just… You look like something is bothering you.”

While it was true that Asato was still trying to get used to be around the clamor of others, he couldn’t say that it was really his anxiety that kept snatching his attention. If anything, he was doing his best to enjoy his meal with Konoe, happy to be in his presence and watch over him. Although from time to time, he’d be forced out of this warm atmosphere to try and quell the strange feeling in his throat and chest, like something was stuck inside there. No amount of drinking or eating pushed down whatever the blockage was, but Asato tried to ignore it since it was a small bother and he could still breathe just fine.

“I’m fine,” he reassured. Then he smiled. “I’m glad Konoe is worried about me though.”

Huffing at that straightforward word choice, Konoe glanced away, nearly splashing his soup out of the bowl with how frantically he stirred it around. “It’s natural to worry. Especially when you’re tangling yourself up in my messes, I just want to make sure that you’re fine too. I know I’ve got my problems, but if anything is wrong with you too, don’t hide it from me. It’ll just cause problems later if you do.”

Nodding as solemnly as he did when the chief of Kira issued him an order, Asato said, “I will.”

“Oi, you stupid cat, you’re splashing your broth on me,” hissed Rai, who had absently taken a seat next to Konoe. His icy eyes glared at Konoe, and Asato immediately felt his fur stand on end with distaste.

“Don’t call Konoe stupid,” he growled, narrowing his own eyes to match Rai’s expression.

“I don’t recall starting a conversation with you.”

“You weren’t conversating, you were insulting Konoe.”

“There’s no reason for you to messily butt your head into things that don’t concern you, you untamed cat.”

Before Asato could reach out to grab Rai’s collar, Konoe intervened, pushing Asato back down by his chest. “Okay, okay!” he said, his pupils going into slits in a warning glare. “Stop fighting, I told you two that I didn’t want to deal with that. So calm down.”

“You heard your master,” Rai said with a provoking sneer to Asato.

Konoe almost didn’t stop Asato in time, his plate toppling onto the ground. Konoe let out a flurry of apologies as he tugged Asato along back up the stairs to their room.

Once they were inside, the door closing them off from the bustle downstairs, Konoe released an exasperated breath. At hearing it, Asato’s boiling blood immediately cooled with the anxiety of having caused Konoe problems. He knew his temper flaring didn’t help anything, but a more cruel part of his mind wanted to go back downstairs to settle the score with Rai. Even so, he pressed his ears flat in shame, looking down.

“I’m sorry, Konoe. But he shouldn’t talk that way to you!”

“I can take care of myself, Asato,” snapped Konoe. “I don’t need you defending me!”

A flinch. Again with the reminder that he didn’t know how to react around other cats. Well, Asato supposed that the cats he grew up with were all more than capable of taking care of their own Rais. He himself wasn’t so sure why he felt the need to speak out when Rai said things that had nothing to do with him. He knew Konoe could take care of himself, there was no doubt in Asato’s mind about that. But it felt like Rai’s words were a threat to him as well, though he wasn’t sure why.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, more quietly.

A slow breath later, Konoe’s aura softened. Asato looked up to see his honey eyes staring at him patiently, his agitation-bristled fur laying flat again.

“I know,” Konoe said. “I know. I am too. And, I also know it’s probably not easy to let go of your instincts. But, at least for me, try to get along with Rai more. Please? I don’t want any fights.”

“Konoe… Of course.” There was no question if Konoe willed it.

Konoe nodded in approval, signalling the end of their conversation. He made a move to leave the room, but, seeing that Asato wasn’t moving, he came back to tousle his hair.

“Wh-what--”

“Hey. Don’t worry so much, alright? It’s like I said, if you have any problems, come to me.” Konoe peered up at Asato with large, well-meaning eyes full of conviction. They were eyes that trusted Asato not only to take care of himself, but also to seek solace in him. It was a warm offer that had never been presented to Asato before.

His chest felt heavy and light at the same time.

He nodded, relishing the feel of Konoe’s fingers in his hair before he pulled away, giving Asato a small smile before leaving the room. Up until that last moment when the crooked end of Konoe’s tail disappeared around the corner, Asato stared after him in what he knew had to be sheer adoration. Before he could stop it, a smile had spread on his lips - he’d never felt this happy before, and from a gesture so small. But it was significant to Asato.

That was right. Konoe was strong. And now, more than ever, Asato wanted to stand by his side, and be a comfort to Konoe too. He wanted to be everything to Konoe. He wanted to witness every instance of how amazing he was, and to not be a hindrance to him.

With that thought in mind, Asato followed out the door at last, his chest feeling like a flower bursting open at the healing rays of the sun--

He coughed. The weight in his throat had returned, greater than before until finally his body tried to push it out. He coughed harder, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as he leaned against the doorframe. He tasted whatever he was stuck in his throat on his tongue, and out it fell in his palm.

At the end of his coughing fit, throat tingling, Asato looked at his hand. Sitting there, full and soft - were flower petals. Perfectly curved flower petals like seashells that were pure snow white with sunshine yellow at the center. Three of them sat there, obviously from out of Asato’s mouth. Although he remembered eating flowers off his and Konoe’s plate the other night, they hadn’t been white at all.

Slow steps ascended the staircase, and Asato’s ears perked up, his eyes trailing up to the blue-haired devil’s face. His expression was as placid and mysterious as a sheet of mist on a lake. His eyes, holding a different kind of ice than Rai’s, went from Asato’s face to his open palm.

Asato hurriedly crumpled the petals and went back to his room, closing the door.

* * *

He definitely wasn’t eating any flowers. He kept the ones decorating the food Bardo made on his plate, but it didn’t help. He started leaving dinner early because his chest would clench, the tell-tale sign he knew that a coughing fit was coming. Each time he ran off to cough into his hands, again and again, the white petals fell out between his lips, nearly suffocating his throat more with each passing day. It kept getting worse, until he had to even leave Konoe out in the middle of the street in Ransen when he hid himself at the edge of the forest to cough out the petals.

Wiping off his mouth, his tongue saturated with an overwhelmingly sweet and earthy taste, Asato wondered why he was keeping the flower petals from Konoe. It was strange though, that he knew. He had never heard of cats spitting out flowers - but then again, what did he know about the world outside Kira? Maybe this was a normal thing. Maybe he had nothing at all to worry about.

But...maybe he did. He just didn’t know. Preceding every cough was that strange sweet-but-painful sensation that bloomed in his chest. From there, Asato started to get an idea of what it was that induced these episodes: that bittersweet feeling came every time he looked at Konoe, every time he thought to himself _Konoe is beautiful, Konoe is amazing_ , every time a flare of jealousy and inferiority hit him when Konoe talked with Rai or Bardo…

It was strange. It couldn’t be anything else but strange.

Asato was...the strange one. He always had been.

“Asato!”

Konoe’s voice reached him through the foliage, and he just managed to spill the petals into the bushes before turning to face Konoe, who huffed at him.

“Why did you suddenly run off like that? You just left me so abruptly.”

Oh, Asato remembered - the crowd overwhelming him, trying to focus on just Konoe to keep his mind off his anxiety, someone bumping into Konoe, making him embrace Asato for support… And Konoe’s hand on his chest, arm around his back, his bicep against Konoe’s heart - _we fit perfectly_ , he thought. And that was when his insides constricted with the need to heave, and he knew the flower petals were coming.

Unable to come up with an excuse, Asato fidgeted under Konoe’s firm stare. “I’m sorry,” he finally tried. “The crowd got too much, so I…” He hated himself for such a pathetic answer. What a stupid cat he was. Kira had sheltered him way too much.

Konoe would never look at him as he was now.

“Is that what it was?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize for something like that. I guess we all have our anxieties.” Konoe rubbed the back of his neck as he said it. Finally, he let out a breath. “Well, we didn’t find out anything new today, and the rush is picking up. Do you just want to go back to the inn?”

The prospect was enough to lift Asato’s spirits. He managed to forget all about flowers, even as his throat burned slightly. But his worry returned at seeing the expression on Konoe’s face as they walked back to the inn: he looked utterly exhausted. All he seemed to have time for and have his mind on was trying to figure out what was wrong with him, and what the curse and Leaks were. Yet even still, there was so little they uncovered that it felt like they had made no progress at all.

 _Konoe must be feeling more and more distressed. He’s overworking himself_. Konoe’s gaze was a bit too lowered, his lips arched down. Even his tail, which he usually kept close because of the black color and crooked end, was trailing dejectedly behind him. Asato wanted to intertwine his tail with Konoe’s. He wanted to reassure Konoe that they’d find out everything, that Konoe would be okay.

And that made him remember his determination to find a certain flower field.

* * *

He only had what Kagari had told him to go on. Neither she nor himself had ever been to this secret place, but the way Kagari talked about it, it was as if the place were a dream on earth, a wondrous and beautiful place. If Asato could find it, he could share that dream with Konoe.

In two more days, he finally managed to find it.

It was just as Kagari had said. It was an open field lying freely under the blue sky, basking in the sunlight that the flowers eagerly soaked in. Yes, there were flowers, swaying everywhere, their scent flying up to brush against Asato. Their humble presence was enough for Asato’s heart to be put at ease as he walked into the field, enjoying the sight. A flower garden of blooms that never wilted… This was the unyielding beauty that Asato wanted to show Konoe.

The temptation to pick a bouquet was strong, and Asato thought of giving them to Konoe, or even tucking one behind his ear. Konoe might think he was being silly and unnecessary, but Asato couldn’t help but also picture that smile Konoe always tried to hide. Maybe this time, he’d be able to show Asato that full display of happiness, even if a little.

Asato bent down to pick some flowers, and immediately stumbled over, one hand digging claws into the earth, the other clutching his chest as desperate and winding heaves strangled his air. Petals streamed out from his mouth, almost painfully with their quantity. He coughed and groaned, his chest hurting, his throat burning, even as he was surrounded by nothing but sweetness. The ground and natural flowers under him were buried under the white petals, more than he’d ever thrown up before.

“What’s… What _is_ this?” he groaned.

“It’s a disease.”

Asato’s vision immediately shifted into focus, his body forcing itself up in an offensive stance to the intruder of the garden.

It was the blue-haired devil. Kaltz, Asato remembered his name being. His golden eyes were full of sadness and pity, but Asato had no idea if it which one of them it was directed toward.

“How did you get in here? This is a secret place!” With weakened, shaking hands, Asato reached for his blade. “What do you want here?”

Unfazed, Kaltz lowered his eyes. “You’re right. It is a secret. For a certain group of cats. That’s why this place isn’t unknown to me.” He said it with plain truth, but the pieces weren’t adding up in Asato’s mind. All he knew was that if a devil was here, it wasn’t good, and he’d be damned if he just left this place under threat like this.

In lieu of saying anything, Asato raised his blade, ready to take a step forward before his insides squeezed and choked him again. He stumbled back down, and white petals rained down his chin and into his hands all over.

Kaltz’s voice continued in a delicate, velvet guise under the current of Asato’s tortured noises. “It hurts, doesn’t it? It’s a by-product of the Sickness inflicted on the cats - although this disease is rare, it’s not unheard of. After all, even in this world tainted by the Void, some flowers never stop growing.” Kaltz swept his eyes over the field as he said it. Then he approached Asato a step at a time, and while he was radiating no hint of malice, Asato couldn’t stand being near him in his vulnerable state.

“It’s the _hanahaki_ disease,” Kaltz said, his boots right in front of Asato. “It’s what those poor hearts buried in unrequited love must suffer. What a horrible punishment for that magician Leaks to give to the ribika that fall in love. I wonder if he too had a miserable heart suffocating in flowers as well?”

Disease. Asato had a disease. Because - he knew why. But to have it said so plainly. _Unrequited love_. Konoe’s eyes never looking at him. He heaved all over again, not even having the strength to fight Kaltz when he squatted down and ran his palm soothingly up and down Asato’s back.

“You’re in quite a far-along state. The flower in your heart will eventually kill you from its growth and the petals will suffocate you. They say the only way to get rid of it is for the love to be returned. Or - you could extract it, but the feelings you have will be forgotten.”

When Asato had finally stopped throwing up petals, he tried to straighten up, but Kaltz had already pressed Asato’s forehead to his shoulder. Kaltz was cold to the touch, but it was an oddly soothing feeling from how overheated and sick Asato felt.

After a moment of silence, Kaltz murmured, “It’s Konoe, isn’t it?”

Asato bristled, but said nothing.

That seemed to be all the affirmation Kaltz needed. “You need to tell him. Or have the flower extracted. I could probably freeze it and remove it myself, if you chose to let go of the feelings.”

Let go - of Konoe? No, impossible. Konoe had given him so much, had given him the key to remove his shackles, had looked at him like he wasn’t a monster, had his melodies echo pleasantly in Asato’s chest, he fought alongside Konoe as a Touga… Asato didn’t want to give up his _heart_. Doing so...he might as well have never left Kira.

At the same time… A new fear weighed on Asato’s shoulders. The fear of not only rejection of his love, but rejection of himself. Telling Konoe he loved him was a far-off fantasy. Asato never gave it much thought because he thought he had time to idle away just being by Konoe’s side as his companion. But now he was faced with the reality of letting Konoe know what his love _meant_. Love was acceptance. Love was never giving up. But if Konoe ever saw the true nature of that monster inside him… Just that glimpse of fear Konoe had in his eyes that night Asato had pinned him down with all his strength...

No. There was no way that he could be loved. He was always hiding in his cloak, away from other cats, holed up in the dark, begging not to be seen.

Tears welled up in Asato’s eyes, and now he could name the squeezing in his chest, could feel roots and flower stalks twist and swell into his heart.

Kaltz inhaled, as if he could feel Asato’s pain as well. “This melancholy… I hoped to never know it. But I suppose it can’t be helped in this case.”

Asato had no idea what Kaltz meant. But he did know the devil was right about one thing:

 _It hurts_.

* * *

These weren’t the flowers that Asato had wanted to show Konoe. While they flew out in pure, sincere white and yellow, they couldn’t be tied in a bouquet, they couldn’t be tangled in Konoe’s hair, and they most certainly wouldn’t make him smile. Although born from feelings that could be said to be beautiful, this flower was ultimately killing Asato.

If he had his way, he’d much rather have the flowers of the secret garden blooming inside him. At least those flowers never wilted, despite any lack of sun or rain. They had no dependency on anything. But Asato’s flower fed on love, on his affections for Konoe, and it grew larger every day, Asato could feel it each time petals came out of his mouth. One day, he’d suffocate on these petals if he didn’t do something. Kaltz’s proposal of removing the flower crossed his mind maybe once or twice, but without question Asato knew that getting the flower removed was impossible.

Even if he couldn’t hold Konoe the way he wanted to, he at least wanted to have this one beautiful thing for his monstrous self. At the very least, yes, he wanted to hold onto these feelings for Konoe. After all, he’d only started to open up his eyes and see clearer skies thanks to Konoe. That was something he didn’t want to give up. Just like when he’d been ordered to kill Konoe, Asato was presented with choices he hadn’t seen before - and he wanted to stay true to his heart until the end. That was his decision.

His hope was that Konoe wouldn’t notice. And for a while, their investigation continued on as normal, but with Asato fading more and more into the background. It wasn’t just because of the flower - but also because he was being hunted down by Kira. He’d betrayed his kind, and now it was finally time to dispose of the monster they should’ve killed long ago.

It was while fighting a cloaked Kiran cat in the night that Asato’s senses suddenly blanked as his chest suffocated him. He dropped his weapon, crumpling to his hands and knees despite his mental protests, and out the white flower petals came - relentless, littering the ground, and he thought, _I’m going to die if I don’t stand right now--!_

“Asato.” The cat put down their weapons as well, dashing over to him. A familiar scent, like home, wrapped soothingly around him. Even though they were supposed to be enemies now, Asato didn’t resist in the slightest when Kagari put her hands on him.

“Oh, Asato… How long has this been happening to you?”

“It’s… I’m sick,” he said between gasps of breath. The petals had finally stopped, but he felt some still stick to his tongue and lips. He brushed them off.

“I’ve heard of this, though I’ve never seen it. Your mom told me about it…” Kagari’s stern voice wavered, but she managed to keep her composure. “Have you thought about removing the flower?”

Again with that impossible solution. Asato shook his head. “No. I don’t want it removed.”

“You’ll die otherwise!”

“Wouldn’t that be convenient for you, Kagari?” Asato said, a wry smile on his lips when he looked up at her.

Her large green eyes gleamed beautifully, even under the shadow of her hood. “You weren’t like this in Kira. It’s that cursed cat, isn’t it? He’s the one that gave you the disease.” She didn’t say it with any particular distaste, though that familiar firm, sisterly tone was evident in her voice - she would rather have Asato not fall in love and get the disease.

“If you’re not getting it removed, then you’re telling him.”

Asato looked away. “I can’t. I want Konoe to love me, but…”

“If you die either way, then what’s the harm in telling him?”

“There are others that aren’t like me. Others that Konoe could love.”

“You’re so certain you’ll be rejected?” Kagari raised her voice, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly. Finally, she scoffed, rising to her feet. “That part of you… You’re just like what your mom told me your father was like.”

At that, Asato rose his head again. Hardly ever did Kagari mention his father, and it was no secret to him that it was because Kagari utterly detested him. Even so, Kagari had taken care of him, though she said such things like he was like his father.

Securing her cloak around her shoulders,  Kagari started walking off.

“Where are you going? You’ll get in trouble with the chief for not killing me.”

“If you’re dying anyway, there’s no point.” She turned just enough for him to see the tightly-pressed line of her lips. “I’ll tell him about the disease. I’m sure he’ll get a kick out of that.”

The words struck Asato deeply. The reason he’d be allowed to suffer through this disease was not because he’d die, but because of the cruel irony of a monster dying with such a yearning to be loved. The chief would know there was no way Asato’s flower would go away, because how could Konoe ever come to love such a tainted, horrible creature as himself?

Pinned down by that reality, Asato numbly watched Kagari go. At some point, a light rain had started to drizzle down, plastering Asato’s hair to his forehead, and the petals to the ground.

* * *

The rain had picked up by the time Asato made it to the inn. It was already well into the night, and all the lights were off. Instead of going in through the window to risk letting rain in the room, Asato went through the front door.

To his surprise, Bardo was sitting there at the reception desk, a candle lit beside him and a book open. His ears perked up at the sound of Asato’s arrival, but on the whole he didn’t seem surprised to see him there.

“Oh,” he drawled, “so you’re finally back.”

Asato stared. “Were you...waiting for me?”

“Rain makes me restless. That and, Konoe showed some worry earlier about you not being at dinner. Said he hadn’t seen you all night.” Although Bardo didn’t seem especially worried himself, his gaze said he had his own concerns about Asato disappearing. “Hey, what are you making that kid so worked up for? He already has a lot on his mind, you know.”

Asato laid his ears down in displeasure, but he couldn’t muster the strength to snap at Bardo. Besides, he was completely right. In the end, he was still only causing problems for Konoe. It seemed like no matter what, being with Konoe was a bad idea.

“Has he talked to you a lot?” Asato asked, suddenly feeling dejected. “About what’s on his mind.”

“Sure. He actually stayed up with me for quite awhile, but I finally sent him up to his room to sleep. I told him I knew a place that might have some useful information for him.”

Ah. So Bardo had been helping Konoe out. If Asato let go of his reservations, he could tell that Bardo was a dependable cat. He was more mature too, even if he didn’t show it. He’d be a great safe space for Konoe whenever he needed someone to rely on - no wonder they’d been talking so often together during this stressful time.

Sitting next to the candle was a decorative bowl that Asato hadn’t noticed before. But now that his eyes landed on it, he found himself staring at the small white flowers pooled inside it.

Bardo caught him looking. “You’re not going to eat these, are you? Although I can put them on your plate next time if you want.” He was teasing, but even so his eyes glimmered knowingly. Asato suddenly wondered if he had any stray petals sticking to him, or if Bardo had ever caught him coughing up any.  

Feeling vulnerable, Asato ignored Bardo and sharply made his way up the stairs. He was cold and now uncomfortably wet. What he wanted was to curl up under the blankets with Konoe and share his body heat. The thought alone was almost enough to start another round of flower-vomiting, so he locked his thoughts into the scope of reality and trudged into the room.

Konoe wasn’t sleeping. He sat on his bed, ears perked up and his eyes immediately landing on Asato. Had he been waiting for him?

“There you are! It’s late and raining! Where did you go? Ah.” Konoe widened his eyes. “Is that a cut on your shoulder?”

A bit uselessly, Asato ignored the interrogation and muttered, “I’m back.”

“Don’t you have something to say other than that?” Konoe’s anger was obvious, but it wavered, and Konoe seemed to be battling with himself until finally a half-relieved, half-crestfallen expression weighed on his countenance. “You’ve been disappearing so much lately. I look up and suddenly you’re gone.”

Guilty as charged, Asato had nothing to say. Whatever Konoe had to say to him, he deserved it for being so selfish all this time - going off to look for the secret garden, hiding the flower petals, trying to not let Konoe know he was being hunted down… Even though he wanted more than anything to be closer to Konoe, all he’d been doing is distancing himself.

But shouldn’t that be what he should’ve been doing anyway? The thought made Asato feel incredibly small and lonely.

When Asato still said nothing, Konoe stood up, going over to try to meet Asato’s eyes. “Hey,” he said, his voice full of hope that Asato would listen to him, “didn’t I tell you to come to me if something was wrong? You’ve been hiding so many things, Asato. I get worried.” He exhaled deeply through his nose, as if resigning himself to something he didn’t want to think about. “I knew that leaving you in Kira wasn’t an option, but sometimes… I wonder what effects it had on you since you left. This world we’re in now, it’s twisted, but I thought maybe I could show you that it was still a place where you could be free. A beautiful place.”

The sincerity of such a wish for him pulled at Asato’s heartstrings. _Yes. I wanted to show you a place like that too_.

Setting his lips in a thin line like he was struggling to keep something at bay, Konoe leaned in to bump his nose against Asato’s wet, injured shoulder. Asato’s breath hitched.

“Just tell me what’s wrong. Do you want to go back to Kira? Be honest with me.”

“No!” Asato’s response was automatic. _Konoe. I want_ Konoe _to be my home. I want to always return to Konoe_. His body was starting to shake. He opened his mouth but instead of saying what burned on his tongue and grew in his heart, all he could do was whisper another “No,” into Konoe’s hair, unable to resist nuzzling his nose into the ash-blond strands. The yearning in his heart was so much that the feeling alone stole all his words with their intensity - all Asato could do was reach out and hold Konoe with apology, with desire.

Everything was going so wrong. Was love supposed to hurt this much?

It hurt.

Holding the petals down took all of Asato’s will as he inhaled deeply, making struggling sounds to keep his throat tight, his mouth closed.

“Asato? Asato, what’s-- _Asato_!” Konoe fell to his knees in trying to support Asato, his arms holding him like that would stop whatever was wrong with him.

On the floor, leaning heavily over Konoe’s lap, Asato convulsed, facing the ground in case any petals escaped behind his lips. He pressed his hand to his mouth, stunted coughs managing to sneak out. He felt the petals, tasted them, and his hand wouldn’t be able to catch them all. He groaned - he didn’t want Konoe to see this, not Konoe.

But Konoe was frantic, his hands petting through Asato’s hair for purchase, patting his back, clutching him, trying to heal him with his confused touch. “Asato…”

Tears fell down Asato’s cheeks. It hurt to hold the petals in. Without a doubt, he really would suffocate at this rate. Perhaps, just like this in Konoe’s arms, he’d die. The thought panicked Asato more than he thought it would. Konoe didn’t deserve to see his punishment for daring to think he could be loved. He didn’t want to force his feelings onto Konoe.

Breathing heavily through his nose, Asato’s muscles coiled tightly to keep him together, and for a few blessed seconds, his convulsing stopped, though his chest felt like it’d burst open to release all his sobs and flower-drenched heart. Konoe leaned over him, his chest over Asato’s back, his heart pounding against his spine.

Then, shakily, with hope, he heard a melody. Konoe was humming, rubbing his back. The vibrations ran down his back and through his body soothingly. Asato clung to that melody, was moved by it - the song his mother loved and that he and Konoe had hummed while cuddled together that one night, he recognized it like home. Konoe was singing it now, drawing it around him like a well-loved, warm blanket.

It was suddenly too real, the feel of Konoe’s skin and breath, his voice coursing through Asato’s very veins - was he using his powers as a Sanga right now? - his feelings of wanting to soothe and care for Asato…

A pained groan, a few coughs, and petals fell to the floor. Asato saw them.

But they didn’t come from him.

Konoe stopped humming, one his hand curling over Asato’s shirt, the other slapped belatedly over his mouth - and there, peeking between his fingers, were delicate white petals. Upon inspection through the dim light of the guiding leaf, Asato could see that it wasn’t a single petal, but a whole flower, albeit a very small one, like little bells.

Asato dropped his hand, shakily rising up, no longer caring about his own petals that littered the ground. Konoe himself didn’t seem to see them, so paralyzed was he at the sight of his flowers in his palm. An image played behind Asato’s eyes, of tiny white flowers piled inside of the bowl that had been next to Bardo. The flowers were the exact same.

“Konoe… You…”

Konoe looked like he was in pain, and then he coughed again, feeble, for one last flower to come out between his very lips.

“You coughed up flowers,” Asato said, stunned.

“I… It just hurt a lot. I didn’t think that…” Konoe was trembling, and finally his fingers closed around the flowers. “I’m sorry you saw that. More importantly, are you--?” Konoe stopped short, and finally his eyes fell on Asato’s mess on the floor. His eyes widened.

“Those aren’t mine,” he said. “Asato… Could it be that you have the _hanahaki_ disease too?” Without waiting for Asato’s answer, dots seemed to be connecting in Konoe’s mind. At first, he seemed angry, but his eyes were glimmering in defeat. “Is this why you’ve been running off? You...do you have _any_ idea what sickness you have?”

It remained so quiet that the rain was the only noise around them, the sound as if it were trying to shush them, to soothe the sudden onslaught of thoughts and emotions buzzing inside them. Asato could see it all so plainly on Konoe’s face. Konoe had the disease too. His heart was suffering from unrequited love. Konoe was throwing up flowers. The flowers that had been beside Bardo.

Asato got up, cutting their muted revelation. Konoe started after him.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m getting help for you.”

“What are you talking about? You’re the one who needs help! How long have you been in this state?”

“I want to take care of Konoe first,” Asato said, a growl seeping into his voice with the conviction. Under no circumstances was he going to let Konoe suffer with this longer than he had to. Although Konoe having the disease was proof that he was being rejected, his mind wasn’t on that - what he wanted was for at least Konoe to be happy. Asato’s heartbreak didn’t have to mean Konoe having no happiness. And if Konoe’s heart belonged to someone else, then Asato would support him however he could. It was a decision that needed no questioning from the beginning.

Konoe looked utterly lost. The fight in him left, his shoulders sagging and tail curling at the floor. But then he reached out to pluck one of Asato’s petals from the ground.

The gesture was so simple, yet when one thought about it: Konoe, who had rejected him, was holding onto the physical manifestation of his love. It was ironic, and painful. Asato thought again how these weren’t the flowers he had wanted Konoe to see.

Determined, Asato headed for the door.

“They’re your flowers,” he managed to hear Konoe say.

Asato flinched. “Yeah. They are.”

“That's not what I meant.” Konoe’s firm tone held Asato back, prompting him to turn around. Konoe’s palm was open, holding one of his white-and-yellow seashell petals and Konoe’s small, white bell one together. Konoe’s finger nudged them together idly, almost in longing, but when he looked up at Asato, his expression was unafraid.

“I heard of this disease before,” he said. “I saw it. Once. Back in Karou. A cat had been called for sacrifice, nothing out of the ordinary. But after that cat was gone… Another cat that I used to see together with him… I saw him throw up petals, clutching his chest and calling for the other cat. It looked...really sad. And for that cat, he’d never get to say how he felt. I left Karou before I could know if he got the flower removed or just...suffocated. Now that I’ve got the disease too though, on top of this curse… It feels all like some test composed by Leaks. I...really hate him for all this. But at the same time, I feel like if I give in to these sicknesses, I'm just giving in to _him_. And so then, when it comes to you, I don't want to believe that having us together is a mistake, or that I could be hurting you. So I...want to actually face my feelings.”

“Konoe…” At some point, Asato had come walking back, and he bent down in front of Konoe. Hearing such carefully articulated words, feeling Konoe’s mix of emotions brush against him, Asato could feel the threat of throwing up petals again but he willed his body to relax until he heard Konoe through. For Konoe, who had such a hard time allowing himself to feel certain ways, saying these things was a big deal, and Asato knew it.

As if realizing just how attentively Asato was listening to him, Konoe fidget. “I’m so bad at admitting when I feel something other than anger.” Konoe’s cheeks were starting to turn pink. “But I can’t look away from this. From your flowers. Because...the flower in here,” he brushed his fingers over his chest like he were touching something fragile and precious, “before I realized it, it grew because of Asato.”

Something was fluttering inside Asato's chest at the quiet tenderness of Konoe's words. This feeling - it was softer and warmer than rain, but it didn't suffocate him like flower petals. If anything, Asato could swear it felt like pure white light itself. The next time he breathed, air filled his lungs fully, the lump in his throat gone and Asato used the freedom to speak Konoe's name with an adoring whisper before pulling him into his arms. 

 _Just as I thought. We_ do _fit perfectly together_. 

"...Asato?" Konoe was surprised.

"Me too," Asato said into his hair. "These petals - they came from the flower Konoe gave me. Because I love Konoe." 

Asato pulled back, but only for a second, to take in Konoe's wide eyes full of surprise and relief, giving him the most vulnerable look Asato had ever seen on him. Konoe had opened himself up for Asato, his feelings as plain as if he'd opened up his chest himself to display his heart embraced by leaves and flowers. And in this embrace, this mutual acceptance of what feelings had bloomed within them, Asato heard Konoe inhale too, as if he were breathing in the sweetest air.

"Konoe. I love you." Asato positively purred at being able to say it, knowing it wasn't one-sided, knowing his and Konoe's hearts were bridged together now. "I love you." 

Konoe's arms finally came up, squeezing Asato, burying his face into his neck. Even though he was smaller, it felt to Asato like his whole being was being embraced with such overflowing love.

"Asato too," Konoe murmured, almost inaudibly. Asato would say that he felt them more than heard them. 

Their flowers were gone, but what was budding now was just the beginning.

* * *

**Epilogue**

* * *

 

"So you know now that you don't have to hide anything from me anymore. You can trust me, Asato. Don't give up me. Because I won't give up on you."

Asato widened his eyes as he heard Konoe murmur those words. At some point they had moved to the bed to finally sleep, Asato taking off his wet clothes to dry, but between the blankets and Konoe, he wasn't cold at all. They were cuddled close enough on the bed that Asato could feel Konoe's breath against his lips and cheeks. When Konoe was sincere like this, how serious he sounded while his eyes glanced away in embarrassment, Asato could help but think how utterly cute he was. He ended up smiling widely in response.

"Okay."

"I mean it! I don't want misunderstandings like this to happen between us again. So if you're worried about anything else...like how I'll feel about you if I ever saw that other side of you, you can express it."

Asato's smile weakened slightly. Anxiety did stir in his chest, as was the awareness of the shadow that constantly lurked within him, but he forced himself to snuggle closer to Konoe, pressing their foreheads together. Konoe was what was real. Konoe was who was here right now. And it was Konoe who loved him so much to the point that his own heart put him in danger with the flower that had grown there. Asato would always remember it, and never take it for granted anymore. He would have to not only be straightforward now, but also honest, just as Konoe was being with him.

Having an idea, Asato got up from the bed and walked over to the middle of the room where his and Konoe's petals were still littering the ground. Among the scattered mass of white, Asato sifted around and picked up one of the small white ones that had come from Konoe's own lips. He showed his treasure over to Konoe when he crawled back under the blankets with him.

"So that I don't forget it. Now I have a flower momento of my mother, and of Konoe." And he'd make sure to keep both of them in his pocket, where he could always pull them out and remember the love he was given. Hopefully that would be enough to convince him if that monster inside him ever tried to overtake him. Hope was the best Asato could do in not giving up.

Dark pink dusted over Konoe's cheeks as he glanced down almost dejectedly. "It won't last forever though. It's not a magical flower."

"That's not true." Asato kissed Konoe's nose, then his forehead. Finally, he mustered the courage to press their lips together. He made sure it was gentle and that it didn't overwhelm Konoe. Sure enough, his softness was rewarded when Konoe kissed him back, a quiet purr rumbling in his chest.

For the days afterward, through the trials of darkness, bloodshed, and curses, these kisses that tasted of flowers would linger on long after any Void tried to wither their hearts.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My name is Ren and I'm here to give you the cheesiest endings ever so that your otp can be happy.
> 
> The flower that had grown inside Asato was the plumeria, which has meanings such as perfection, springtime, new beginnings, devotion, and love. The flowers that had grown inside Konoe were lily of the valley, which has meanings of sweetness, trust, and returning happiness. I decided to have Asato's plumeria be white to match Konoe's lily of the valley. It was a bit tough pondering which flowers would hold meanings that they felt for one another, but I think these flowers did these catboys well in the end :D
> 
> Man, writing this made me want to go through Asato's route all over again :'D My precious catboy otp... I miss them... Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed! Drop an indication if you liked!
> 
> Tumblr, clears-jellyfish-dress  
> Twitter, @fuwajellyfish


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